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As Aristotle said, "hearing out a poor argument is worse than a kick in the penis," but he wore Greek penis armor at all times, so...

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More Horoscopes

Star signs. The zodiac. Horoscopes. Astrology. Mumbo. Jumbo. Hocus. Pocus? Whatever you want to call it, it's here, and it's as real as anything on the Internet.

What does the future hold for you? Well, as noted prognosticator Miss Cleo said, "de cards don' lie!"

While that has nothing to do with astrology, and more to do with the fact that there is, surprisingly, a "you are attracted to a large-breasted co-worker" card in the tarot deck, you can be assured that this horoscope chart is as accurate as any of them.

Posted: Jan. 30, 2018

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