Quote of the moment:
A man, a van, a canal: Wombstretcha.

So, I had this idea to make sympathy cards for things that genuinely happen in real life, but don't usually have cards for. Thanks for being stodgy and hyper-conservative, Hallmark.
No matter, I've made my own cards, and they'll be great for awkward situations. This one has more pen-drawn cock than the SFW version.