Quote of the moment:
As Aristotle said, "hearing out a poor argument is worse than a kick in the penis," but he wore Greek penis armor at all times, so...

In the ever-escalating war between rival gangs, nothing is free from the influence. Not to be outdone by their enemies, even at the breakfast table, some gang science has created a fearsome new melon to combat the popularity of the delicious Blood Orange.
Will it work? Time will tell.