All articles containing: "ad"

Adult Cuisine

Anyone remember "Kid Cuisine?" Well, you've grown up, and so have they. No longer just corn nibblins and a dry brownie, new Adult Entrees™ provide the dubious meat and questionable vegetables the mo...(Click to see more)

Posted: Dec. 03, 2021

Is it addictive?

Presenting a simple flowchart to determine if you should refer to a given product as "addictive" or not....(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 21, 2021

A Texas Valentine

When you truly care about someone, you make sure they're provided with only the spiciest of hot sauces. Texas Red's new ghost pepper sauce will be sure to warm her heart, though it will also heat up o...(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 13, 2021

Setting Expectations Early

Sometimes, everyone has a bad day. It's the job of parents everywhere to let kids know that nothing's ever so bad that it couldn't possibly be worse. Thus, we turn to the old standards that we all rea...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jan. 02, 2021

Need For BEEF!

Coming soon to PlayStation 5: the high-impact, adrenaline-pumping, cattle-driving game of high stakes, and high-impact action! Take control of one of dozens of cowboys, vaqueros, ranchers, or rustlers...(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 21, 2020

View-Master: Internet Edition

Remember those boxy orange View-Master toys? Where you'd have stereoscopic images of the great sights of the world, on discs with slides you'd advance by pushing down on a lever? Well, like a lot of o...(Click to see more)

Posted: Oct. 26, 2020

Worst-Named Sex Toys

There are a lot of "adult toys" out there. Legions and legions of them, all ready to provide varying degrees of stimulation to the genitalia of eager adults in search of satisfaction. All with varying...(Click to see more)

Posted: Sep. 16, 2020

Aunt Who?

It's a time of tumult and change. People are re-evaluating old institutions and trying to appease a crowd hungry for something new and progressive... and also hungry for pancakes!

Mainstay of the ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 26, 2020

Country Bill!

Ever reach a point 'n yer life wherein the person ya dun married just ain't right for ya anymore? Well, COME ON DOWN to Country Bill's Divorce Emporium. Free hot dogs for the kids....(Click to see more)

Posted: Oct. 25, 2019

This year, get her...

This year, on Valentine's Day, be sure to get her the gift that will satisfy her like nothing else can....(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 14, 2019

Moral Advice Ads #2

Gillette are trying to set trends by pushing consumers to do better at something their product has nothing to do with. Other companies are starting to follow the trend....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jan. 21, 2019

Moral Advice Ads

Gillette are trying to set trends by pushing consumers to do better at something their product has nothing to do with. Other companies are starting to follow the trend....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jan. 18, 2019

Ask your doctor

Available by prescription only....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 14, 2018

Road Trip Games!

A timeline of the various games played in cars which involve both perception and violence. So many siblings' arms, damaged. Anyhow, here's the chart. Seems "Slug Bug" is eternal....(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 04, 2018

Goose Fact

Ah, the splendor of the natural world and all its creatures. ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Apr. 04, 2018

Porn Ratings

Thanks to the Adult Content Ratings Board, people everywhere can pick out pornography for their entertainment, and not be surprised by any of the content in it.

Thanks, ACRB!...(Click to see more)

Posted: Mar. 09, 2018

Time to Read!

We all wish we had more time to read, but sometimes modern life is so hectic, it can be hard to find a moment to indulge yourself. The United Literacy Council has a few tips to help find yourself some...(Click to see more)

Posted: Dec. 19, 2017

Deals a-plenty!

Time to check out the circulars which come in that old-fashioned thing called a "news paper." I think they're all 97% advertising at this point anyway, with one fluff piece in the back about a watersk...(Click to see more)

Posted: Dec. 02, 2017

Super effective...

We all know someone like this. Fresh out of jail, or out of a terrible relationship, or a long stretch of something bad. Has a new boyfriend who wears stained wifebeaters year-round, calls her affecti...(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 29, 2017

Bottom 10 gift ideas

In a recent poll of retail workers in the United States, these items were found to have the worst sales and/or highest return for non-replacement figures in the entire shoppingverse. Be advised when y...(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 25, 2017

Thinsipiration?

As product advertising characters go, Mrs. Thinster is a delightfully uninspired caricature designed to make middle-aged women feel fat, so as to sell more of these "thin" cookies.

She's got secre...(Click to see more)

Posted: Sep. 13, 2017

American Bore Story

So, here's my experience with the show American Horror Story.

"Hey, man. You should check out American Horror Story."
"Oh, okay. I'll watch it."
"What did you think?"
"I watched a season. It w...(Click to see more)

Posted: Sep. 06, 2017

Ferret Feedin'

What do I feed my ferret?! Anyone who owns a a stretch-rat knows they'll eat just about anything, but there are certain things you just shouldn't be feeding them.

Note: Regardless of what you feed ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 15, 2017

Like chili?

Chili! We all love it, and now we can get it to go in a convenient travel cup. The new widemouth straw makes sure you get every last morsel of delicious chili while you're on the go!...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 27, 2017

New from Listerine!

Mint this and mint that... mouthwash has no flavor anymore. Everyone wants fresh breath, but only Listerine® can bring you old world charm along with it. Available in the pasta sauce aisle....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 23, 2017

New from Taco Bell

New from Taco Bell® comes the latest in a line of co-branded taste treats. You've had the Doritos® Locos Taco, and the Nude Chicken Taco, well now it's time to slide down the mountain with our new E...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 16, 2017

Choose #3

Yet another in a line of "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories. Man, I sure loved these as a kid. I must have read them all. ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 12, 2017

Keep Them Safe

Keep your loved ones safe from harm with this series of patent-pending restraints. So many tragedies happen every day as a result of children moving around, so do your part to prevent that with this f...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 05, 2017

Choose Again

Another in a series of children's adventure books where you pick the uncomfortable, disgusting, and therapy-inducing ending. A lovely summer read....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 02, 2017

Choose Your Destiny

I always loved those books where you get to pick the outcome. In this tale, someone made a shitty joke, and now everyone has to attend a mandatory seminar. Dodge the perils of the office as you attemp...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 17, 2017

A good source of protein.

Indulge in decadence by getting yourself a box of these delightful treats. They're pure meat, dipped in pure milk chocolate, for a taste sensation that will have you robbing people at bus stations in ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Apr. 11, 2017

American Grading

Why is the American letter grading system so odd-seeming? Well, it actually makes perfect sense if you think about it for a little bit, so come, let's do just that. You will not be graded....(Click to see more)

Posted: Mar. 29, 2017

New from Galoob!

Ever want to be see as the face of righteousness in a sea of oppression and tumult? Ever wish you didn't really have to do much of anything to get the high praise for being good? Well, never fear, it'...(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 10, 2017

Some Drugs are BAD.

Meth and heroin use and abuse have reached record levels over the last few years. During such times of public health crisis like this, it's refreshing to know that there's an alternative waiting for u...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jan. 30, 2017

Ash vs. Oz

Yeah, everyone likes the "Evil Dead" universe, but what if the main character took a trip over the rainbow, and landed in the magically befuddling land of merry old Oz? We're off to kick the wizard's ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Dec. 15, 2016

Bad Housekeeping

Are you a domestic person who delights in pretty much anything but being domestic? I think we have found the periodical for you....(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 08, 2016

Driving Bulletin

I don't know if this happens a lot in other places, but where I live, this happens ALL. THE. TIME. I simply cannot comprehend the mindset behind doing this voluntarily, unless someone is trying to get...(Click to see more)

Posted: Oct. 06, 2016

Organic Yogurt, yum?

Organic yogurt. It's nature's goodness in a creamy, spoonable format. Well, sometimes nature's goodness just... isn't so good. 2016 was a year for taking bold chances on new and inspiring yogurt flavo...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 26, 2016

Frying Guy!

These colossal outdoor festivals. They're pretty crazy. Go out and hang with a bunch of people in the middle of nowhere for a week, and... well, I'm not sure what's supposed to happen, but it seems li...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 17, 2016

Nostalgia Cola

Yeah, yeah. Crystal Pepsi's back on shelves, and that petition we all signed back in 2002 to bring back Surge apparently worked, but we seem to forget that these beverages went away for a reason. They...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 13, 2016

Beast Buy Deals!

When you just need deals on new or used livestock, you go on down to Beast Buy®. This ad has some screaming deals on some slightly damaged inventory, and these are some super savings!...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 30, 2016

Drinking Game #23

Do you like drinking games with ridiculous concepts and rules? Well, have I got something for you. This drinking game is a sure winner, and does not involve anything aside from intoxicants and Latin f...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 20, 2016

Participant Awards?

We live in an age where kids get award pretty much just for showing up to school.
But why is the label so bland as to be "participant?"

Everyone has things about them that we can celebrate instea...(Click to see more)

Posted: Mar. 12, 2016

Public Service Message

And now a message intended for the people out there who might be inclined to forget certain things in the heat of the moment. Paid for by the good people at the United States Oral Council and approved...(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 18, 2016

Special Holiday!

Apparently, it was a holiday today, and I didn't even realize it until I got on the road earlier!

If you were also confused, I made this handy guide to help understand the customs and traditions of...(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 22, 2015

Nazi Pizza?

So, I was talking with some people about themed pizza places, like Chuck E. Cheese and so forth, where it's an experience to go there. It's usually for kids though, and usually pretty lame.

It was...(Click to see more)

Posted: Nov. 20, 2015

Radio Clip: Latrell

Ok, so back before I was a rapper, and consequently, before I did this website, I was the co-host of a radio show. The radio show was called "One-Hour Pharmacy" - because it was an hour long, and the ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Sep. 25, 2015

Food Luge

Sometimes, you're in a rush. It's modern times, and nobody ever has time to devote their full attention to anything anymore! Crazy to think you can sit even your own family down for ten, or even five ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 07, 2015

Mac Os?

Ever the innovators, Apple has managed to blow the lid off the breakfast market with its snazzy new iFood. For a reasonably modest entry cost (plus subscription fees), you too can own the breakfast ce...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 23, 2015

Rejected Slogans 5

Some people have a knack for making good advertisements, but you know, you can't win them all. This one ended up in the can at the end of the day....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 14, 2015

Rejected Slogans 4

Coming up with a successful slogan to sell a product is tough stuff! It requires draft after draft, and revision after revision. Sometimes, things just don't pass muster, and this is one of those thin...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 13, 2015

Rejected Slogans 3

Being in advertising means taking chances on ad campaigns. Being unconventional can mean total success or utter failure. Not everything can succeed...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 12, 2015

Rejected Slogans 2

Advertising is difficult. It's not all highballs and adultery like in that "Mad Men" show. It's selling creativity, which has to in turn sell products.

As a result, not all the slogans that adverti...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 10, 2015

Rejected Slogans 1

Advertising is a tough business. Ad agencies usually throw out more ideas than they ever use, and we're going to find out what didn't make the cut....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 09, 2015

GoiterPro™

Have you ever dreamed of a better way to manage your goiter, and/or streamline the process of purchasing goiter-related supplies?

Well, from the makers of "We're sure it's cancer" WebMD, comes Goit...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 07, 2015

Arsonist of Hope

A man travels the countryside, finding lost souls and sob stories as he goes. His magic gift with arson, however, leaves everyone he touches looking at life in a new light.

Golly, I love these hear...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 05, 2015

Waffle House Bathroom TV

You know, I used to think I hated reality TV, but sometimes they formulate just the right concept to give everyone what they really want to see. What they want to see is humanity at its worst.

I re...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 04, 2015

Adventures in clickbait #2

Ok, I'm trying once again to make the most soulless, manipulative graphic possible, for the sheer sake of pulling traffic.

I'm not quite certain I've got the hang of it yet.
I think I somehow need...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 28, 2015

Caveman TV

From the network that brought you "Orangutan Paternity Suit," and "America's Strongest Mormon," comes a riveting hour-long drama about an unfrozen caveman who is recruited into the Detroit Police.

...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 25, 2015

Clickbait project

So, in my ongoing experiments on how to be completely unscrupulous for personal gain, I'm launching some laboratory-grade clickbait on to social media, to gauge if my "click sense" is tuned to that of...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 20, 2015

Patch Cure-all

No word on whether or not it actually works. I'm betting it does, because laughter is the best medicine, and blasting rails of Patch Adams up your booger-chute is the best way to get those laughs in t...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 04, 2015

Horsing around

Adam Sandler is firm as fudge on this one, as he believes it preserves the artistic integrity of the films.
...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 02, 2015

Who's Your Caddy?

It is unknown to science whether or not this means that all other movies there are more terrible than this one, or that this one is merely subjectively deemed better than all the rest.

Regardless, ...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 02, 2015

Croc-pots

So, I was thinking of how fugly Crocs (the shoe) are, and what could be done to mitigate the trauma resulting from seeing them worn in public places.

I had kind of a "eureka" moment, and thus, the ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Apr. 01, 2015

Help! My nanny is...

Now this, THIS is what I call revolutionary television programming. I'm gonna be riveted to my seat all season....(Click to see more)

Posted: Mar. 21, 2015

Feed us a fetus*

I've put together a collection of impractical or oddly specific bumper stickers.
This is #15.

To vote for this one, click and leave a comment and/or a like.

*Nod to the Dayglo Abortions...(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 13, 2015

Bad cop

I've put together a collection of impractical or oddly specific bumper stickers.
This is #18.

To vote for this one, click and leave a comment and/or a like....(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 13, 2015

50 Shades of Cent

So, apparently this upcoming movie has everyone super stoked. It's apparently about a rapper from New York who grew up on the mean streets before finding his true love: bondage play.

It's truly hea...(Click to see more)

Posted: Feb. 09, 2015

SHAQ COP!

What happens when everybody's favorite Shaq joins the local police force? Why, it's a non-stop rollercoaster of thrills, chills, spills, and kills! Topped with those one-of-a-kind Shaq catch phrases t...(Click to see more)

Posted: Sep. 05, 2014

Bludgeontry

So, with all the alt-school models floating around these days, I figured there needs to be one centered around a more thrashing-oriented structure that encourages kids to learn as fast as their tolera...(Click to see more)

Posted: Aug. 27, 2014

Relative Units of Measure

In case anyone needs clarification on the "new school" of relative units of measure, I happen to have made a handy chart. Clickity for full-size....(Click to see more)

Posted: Jul. 30, 2014

Piña Kill-ada

When good drinks go bad.
Spending time on the beach with your favorite cocktail seemed like a good idea for five eager friends, but when they start dying in festive, tropical ways, the race is on to ...(Click to see more)

Posted: Jun. 18, 2014

Emancipate your thirst

When you've got a thirst that makes you feel like you've been working for free for someone else for years, pick up a jug of the great Thirst Emancipator!

With electro-lytes, and all manner of other...(Click to see more)

Posted: May. 30, 2013

Color me Vladd

Imagine a world where vampires were real, and in the early 90s, they formed an R&B group, featuring the hit single "I Want To Suck You Up."...(Click to see more)

Posted: Oct. 20, 2012

Reading Time!

Now, while I didn't "create" this, per se, I did take a photograph someone took of a poster found in an elementary school library and digitally removed all the wrinkles in the paper(as best I could) a...(Click to see more)